


a reason to stay

by IronSwordStarShield (SweetFanfics)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, F/M, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark (past) - Freeform, Steve Rogers POV, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark (unrequited) - Freeform, happy ending for Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 12:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20564399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetFanfics/pseuds/IronSwordStarShield
Summary: All Steve ever needed was a reason to stay. But no one ever asked that of him, until Pepper.





	a reason to stay

All Steve ever needed, was a reason to stay. But no one ever _asked_ that of him, until Pepper.

* * *

Pepper pulls away from Tony’s still body with a hard sniff. She wipes her face clean before she turns to Rhodey, “We… we need to get him out of here.”

Somewhere far in the distance, police sirens wail. Now that the dust has settled, he imagines every single law enforcement agency out there is going to be making a bee line for here. There’s going to be a lot to do. Explanations to be given. Injuries to be tallied. A life to be mourned.

Steve’s pulled out of his thoughts when he hears Pepper calling his name. “Steve. Thor. Can you help Rhodey?”

They step forward as one. Thor holds his arms out towards Rhodey, “I’ll carry him.”

But Rhodey shakes his head, blinking his tears away as he gently closes Tony’s eyes. “No. I…I’ll do it. I’ll need a clear path though.” _I’m sure I’ll be able to do it alone_. Steve hears in between the words and swallows down the ache rising in his chest.

Thor turns to look around them, grimacing when he sees the mess around them and how hard its going to be for Rhodey to navigate through it. He nods solemnly. As Thor turns towards the others and asks them to clear a path, Steve moves next to Rhodey. He watches Rhodey whisper something to Tony before he picks him up in his arms. There’s a dull throbbing in the base of Steve’s skull that intensifies when Tony’s head lolls forward to rest under Rhodey’s chin.

Using Stormbreaker and mjolnir, Thor creates a clean path for Rhodey to walk down. Swallowing harshly, suit gears whirring, Rhodey begins the slow journey off the field. Steve hovers by Rhodey’s side, steadying him as he walks.

“Almost there…You’re almost there,” he murmurs.

“I always knew this would happen,” Rhodey admits when he lays Tony down on a clean patch of grass. The sirens are growing louder. Steve holds his breath, watching Rhodey as he tenderly brushes a few strands of hair off Tony’s forehead. “But I hoped…”

Steve chokes on the apologies that bubble up his throat.

* * *

With Thor next to him, Steve gives a detailed account of what happened. He does this only once because he doesn’t have it in him to talk about this battle again. And he only does it because, again, Pepper asks him to.

“You two were the ones closest to Thanos with Tony.”

* * *

Pepper next asks him to pick up a boy, Harley, for Tony’s funeral. Wanting to feel useful, Steve obediently does so. He’s surprised by the cold welcome he gets from the teenager. Harley keeps shooting him dirty looks throughout the flight. It makes Steve wonder if maybe the kid thinks _Steve_ should have died instead of Tony. When he tries to say as much, Harley snorts. _Hard_.

“Please. Like Tony would have let you pull off a self-sacrificing stunt like that. No. What I’m mad about you is that you were supposed to be his friend. All of you were. But when that Mandarin guy was attacking him? When that whole Accords bullshit happened? Where were you? You left him to deal with his shit on his own. Never thought Captain America’d be the kind of guy to turn his back on his team mates.”

Steve winces but he doesn’t argue back.

* * *

“Stay,” Pepper tells him when he places Tony’s helmet on the table. Tony's last message to his family. “He wanted you to hear this too.”

_Why me_? Steve wants to ask, plaintive and bleeding hurt. He took everything away from Tony - the team, his family, his _future_. Steve doesn’t deserve to be here listening to Tony Stark’s final words. He doesn’t feel worthy of being included in Tony’s inner circle. And yet he is. Tony looks at all of them and tells them, he loves them. Steve’s never felt more of a broken man than he did when Morgan’s response to those words are to tuck her face into Pepper’s side. 

He feels like he’s shaking, falling to pieces, when Pepper hands the helmet over and tells him, “He recorded something for you. He did for all of us.”

_Why me? Why me? Why me? _

Steve cries as much to Tony’s after image as he tells Steve, “I forgive you for not telling me. But mostly I’m sorry for constantly putting you on a pedestal. I kept forgetting there’s a man behind the mask and it was unfair of me to expect you to be perfect.”

_I never told him I’m sorry. _The thought hits him like a bolt out of the blue and if he weren’t sitting already? Steve would have fallen to his knees in shock. _I never even apologized_.

* * *

Natasha’s funeral goes by in a blink as well. 

Steve stands on the dock and stares pensively out at the lake. He doesn’t know what to do anymore. He doesn’t think he’s got it in him to keep fighting. Steve just wants to rest.

_Maybe I’ll do what Tony said…_

He looks over to the side where Sam and Bucky are talking with Bruce. Bucky catches him looking and gives him a small, pained smile. Steve’s lips crook up in response. It’ll be selfish but…

Well.

Everyone’s got their flaws.

* * *

“You’re not staying, are you?”

The cloth makes a surprised squeak against the plate as Steve freezes. He glances over at Pepper, who is smiling faintly at him. 

“I uhh…what?” he asks dumbly.

Pepper takes the plate out of his hand and puts it in the drying rack. “You’re going to leave, aren’t you? Once the others have rebuilt that time machine thing.”

His throat dries up immediately. Tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth, Steve quietly begs, “Don’t tell the others! I haven’t…”

Her fingers wrap around his wrist. They’re thin and small and cool. Steve presses his hand on top of hers to stay centered. “I won’t. But. Why? Why not stay?”

“Why _should _I stay?” Steve can’t stop himself from asking. 

“Your friends are here.” Pepper answers immediately. “You have a support system here. You’ve got your team. Your best friends.”

“I lost them both.” He’s ashamed of the tears that well in his eyes at the choked admission. “They both died saving the world and I didn’t do a damn thing to help them.”

Pepper’s fingers dig into his wrist with surprising strength. “Don’t say that. You have to respect their choices. You know they’d do it again in a heartbeat. There’s nothing you could have done to stop th-”

“But I could have helped!” Steve says, clumsily wiping his tears away as he continues, “I could have been there next to Tony and took half the burden. I could have…_asked _Nebula if she knew how to get the stone. There’s so much I could have done and maybe then Morgan wouldn’t be without her dad.”

Guilt has sunk its teeth into him and torn him in half. He bleeds in quick pulses every time Morgan turns to Pepper and asks something about Tony. He wants to apologize to the girl for taking her father away from her. Steve shields his eyes behind his trembling hand, struggling to stay in control and failing. A sob rattles in his chest when Pepper pulls him in for a hug. He clings to her like a child, stifling his cries into her shoulder because he’s failed Tony in so many ways but this has been the ultimate betrayal.

He doesn’t know how long he cries but Pepper holds him tight the whole time. She rubs his back, whispers words of comfort, and lets him mourn. He can’t help apologize to her and she shushes him quiet.

“Listen,” she finally says, pulling away a little so that their eyes meet. “Tony wouldn’t want you to feel like this. He’d want you to live your life. And…if it’ll help? Think about living life _for _him. Do the things he couldn’t do.”

Steve blinks, sniffling hard. “Live…for him?”

Pepper nods, eyes shining with unshed tears. “Yeah, Steve. Be the man he always believed you were. But also? Just be Steve Rogers.”

* * *

Pepper’s words echo in his mind as he’s dancing with Peggy. Tony’s last message is a whisper underneath it.

“Thank you,” Steve whispers into Peggy’s hair. “I’ll always love you Peggy. But I need to move on.”

“It’s the smart thing to do.”

* * *

Steve shifts his weight back on his heels and rocks a little in place as he waits for someone to open the door. Nervously, he chews on his bottom lip, wondering if he’s made the right call or not.

He get his answer when Morgan throws the door open and yells, “Mommy! Uncle Steve’s back! I told you so!”

* * *

Steve says, “I’m home.” 

Pepper’s smile is filled with pride.

* * *

Steve passes the shield on to Sam, just like he’d planned. Bucky shoots him a worried look but Steve waves the concern away. 

“I’ll be helping SHIELD get back up on their feet. And Pepper could use the help with Morgan.”

Bucky waits a beat before nodding. “If that’s what you want.”

Steve smiles, "It is."

* * *

There’s so much work to be done and Steve’s grateful for it. If he’s not busy taking care of one thing or another, he’s busy running after Morgan. She’s an absolute delight. He sees sparks of Tony in her smile and the scandalized face she makes when she’ll catch him cursing. It makes him miss Tony like he’s missing a limb.

He helps her with her homework, plays with her, tells her stories about Tony. He helps SHIELD lobby to become the de-facto governing organization for all super powered individuals, and helps improve the Sokovia Accords. 

He feels good. Feels useful.

He hopes that wherever Tony is, he’s proud of what they’ve all accomplished. Especially him.

* * *

One day Steve looks up and it’s the anniversary of Tony’s death.

Being blindsided by it…well. It winds up being a bad day. 

He spends the day at home, curled under the sheets listening to Morgan, Pepper, Happy puttering around the home. He hears Morgan’s hushed little voice asking Pepper something. Pepper murmurs something back. Quick feet race up the stairs and come to a halt outside his door. 

The door opens with a soft click.

“Uncle Steve?”

Steve exhales deeply. It takes a herculean amount of effort to roll over and face the young girl standing in the doorway. 

“What is it Morgan?”

She patters up next to his bed, dark eyes filled with concern. She kneels by his bedside, pressing her chin into the mattress. “Are you okay?”

Steve blinks slowly and tries to smile. “I’m just sad. I…I miss your dad.”

She looks away but there’s no hiding the pensive sadness in her small frame. He wants to capture her in a hug and comfort her as much as _he _wants to take comfort in her presence. But he needs strength for that…and right now, even breathing is so hard.

“Did you love him?” she asks, too quiet and too shy. Steve’s breath hitches in his lungs. Morgan’s innocent eyes render him immobile. “Mommy loves him and she looks the same sad you do.”

He’s ashamed of the tears that swell up because how…could Morgan come to realize something…that he _never _had realized in all the years he had Tony by his side?

* * *

He knows Pepper is watching but he needs to do this. 

“I’m sorry if I worried you Morgan,” he tells the little girl. She looks up at him, nothing but trust in her dark eyes. “You helped me realize something yesterday that I never knew and…it was a lot. It’s what made me cry.”

“That you loved daddy?” 

He lets out a short breath, not looking forward to the next conversation he’s going to have with Pepper. “Yeah.”

“You didn’t know that?” 

“No.”

“Why not?”

Steve can’t help but grin a little at the question. “I don’t know. I never thought about it.”

Morgan doesn’t look convinced but she gratefully doesn’t push the issue. Instead, she holds up two storybooks and asks that he read her both as his apology.

* * *

“You honestly never realized you had feelings for him?” Pepper finally asks.

Steve shakes his head.

Pepper curses and drains her wine glass, wet eyes looking away from him.

* * *

“A part of him loved you. I know that. He’s been in love with you all his life. What with all the stories Howard used to tell him.”

Steve winces and rubs the back of his neck. “But they were about Captain America, weren’t they? Tony said he hated me for that.”

Pepper smiles at him. “Howard kept waxing poetic about Steve Rogers. And yeah. Tony did hate you. But he also admired you. He wanted to be you as much as he wanted you to like him.”

Steve thinks back to their first meeting and winces all over again.

* * *

“I miss him a lot,” Steve admits one night. “I keep…_hoping _that I’ll get a call saying that someone found him or he’ll walk back in through the door…”

Next to him on the sofa, Pepper tips her head onto his shoulder and sighs, sorrowful and deep. "Me too."

"One last Tony Stark miracle..."

* * *

They’re drawn together because of three things: they both love Tony, they both miss Tony, and they both love Morgan.

It feels right and wrong to kiss Pepper, like he shouldn’t be doing it but she’s also the only one who understands. It’s the kind of situation he thinks Tony would understand. And probably crack a joke about. He says as much when they’re lying in bed together and Pepper snorts into his shoulder.

* * *

It’s good. _They’re _good together. Pepper’s steady in a way that makes Steve thinks of lighthouses and magnetic north. She keeps him on-track. Focused. He admires her before he grows to love her, but love her he does. Above all, he’s grateful that she gave him a purpose. A reason to stay in the future because he gets to see Morgan grow up. He gets to see Sam lead a new team of Avengers. He gets to see Bucky fall in love again. He gets to see Tony’s legacy live on through Peter and Riri. He gets to see a new generation of heroes stand up against all kinds of threats.

This is lot more fulfilling than what he’d planned to do before. He’s glad he didn’t make that choice. 


End file.
